


Just Like Heaven

by harploon



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Angst, Gay, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, hOOOo mama, he just needs a friend, im sorry, mentions of abuse, the camp counselor au every fandom has, this seems sad but its not, whizzer is a Sad Man but overall he can keep it together, whizzer is broken im sorry i dont know why i hurt him like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-07 00:39:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11612316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harploon/pseuds/harploon
Summary: In the time that Marvin and Whizzer were counselors together, Marvin saw Whizzer cry approximately eleven times. The younger man wasn’t ashamed of how sensitive he was, and often laughed at himself for it, but overall, Whizzer Brown crying wasn’t an unusual occurrence and he usually wouldn’t let it get in his way.





	Just Like Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i was at camp for the past two weeks and like legit on my second day i started planning out this super in depth camp counselor au that got way out of hand and i really wanted to write this one specific scene but like,,, not the entire au?? i'll try my best to keep up with this au but this would happen near the end eep. whizzer is a broken man somebody give that man a hug
> 
> oh also mendel and whizzer are kinda friends in this!! bc idk i want my boys to be happy and theres also like A Thing that i planned out but hey i cant put it here if im actually gonna write it! im so awkward how do people d o these aaaa
> 
> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated :-)

In the time that Marvin and Whizzer were counselors together, Marvin saw Whizzer cry approximately eleven times. The younger man wasn’t ashamed of how sensitive he was, and often laughed at himself for it, but overall, Whizzer Brown crying wasn’t an unusual occurrence and he usually wouldn’t let it get in his way.

By the time Marvin had arrived at the little diner his friends had decided to meet at during their winter breaks, he had expected Whizzer to be there, laughing at something Cordelia or Mendel had said, sitting by the window, tucked into the corner of the booth. Instead, the man was nowhere to be found, and the others didn’t seem too worried about it until Marvin arrived.

“Have you seen Whizzer?” Cordelia asks right off the bat, not even giving the older man time to take off his gloves.

“It’s nice to see you too, Cordelia,” He replies, rolling his eyes. “But no, I haven’t seen him. I thought he’d already be here." 

“Yeah, so did we, he’s always early for everything,” A frown worked its way onto the blonde woman’s face as she picked at the plastic on her menu.

“I don’t want to seem rude or anything, but he’s seemed to be really busy lately, maybe he can’t make it. We should order without him,” Trina suggests, leaning in slightly, resting her elbows on the table.

She offers Marvin a smile, scooting to the side, nudging Mendel beside her to make room for her boyfriend. He slides into the booth next to her, giving her a chaste kiss and returning the smile.

“He wouldn’t miss something like this for the world, you know how much this camp means to him,” Cordelia snaps in response, and the older woman flinches, turning away from the man beside her. Charlotte rests a hand on her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“Calm down. You’ve heard him complain about how much work he’s had lately, I wouldn’t put it past him to have gotten dragged into some huge project and lost track of the time. If he wasn’t early, he’ll probably come flying in later once he’s realized what time it is,” She muses with a gentle smile, and the other sinks back into the booth.

“I’m worried about him,” Marvin frowns at her quiet words, inhaling deeply.

“He’s an adult, he can take care of himself fine,” He smiles, reaching out to cover the woman’s hand with his own. “I roomed with him for three weeks and he was fine, I highly doubt that he would fall apart in four months.”

She nods, a gentle smile making it’s way across her own face as the conversation shifts, each hanging onto the other’s words raptly, and Marvin wraps an arm around Trina’s shoulders, pulling his girlfriend into his side, basking in the easy joy that comes to him when surrounded by these people.

They’re just finishing up their lunches when Cordelia’s phone buzzes. She pulls it out of her pocket, her eyes widening.

“Oh, it’s Whizzer!” She informs the group before reading the text aloud, “‘Sorry that I couldn’t make it today, when I got out of my apartment I started crying so I went back inside. Tell everyone that I say hi’.”

“Oh my,” Trina gasps, a hand flying to her chest.

“Is he okay? Did something happen?” Mendel asks, leaning over to peer at the younger woman’s phone screen as she types out a reply, and the group waits in a tense silence for a moment.

Marvin massages the back of Trina’s hand more as a comfort to himself, though she appears to be grateful for the gesture, his brows creasing in concern.

“He says, ‘nothing in particular happened, I guess I just wasn’t feeling it today. Sorry again’.”

“I should go check on him,” Marvin blurts out, already pulling his coat and hat back on, standing up from the booth.

“Marv, you don’t have to--” Charlotte reaches out to stop him, her hand resting on his shoulder, and he turns to face her, grabbing her hand as he removes it.

“I know he wasn’t exactly my favorite person when we were paired together, but we had to get close after spending that much time together. It was great catching up with you guys, I’ll keep you updated if need be,” He offers a tight smile, turning away and jogging back to his car.

He pulls out his phone with freezing fingers, opening up his conversation with Whizzer, reading over his last message from the other.

 _youre a total asshat but i miss you already_ , it reads, and he remembers not knowing how to respond to the words that he woke up to on the last day of camp, the bed across from him already empty.

 _What’s your address?_ He finally settles on asking, skipping over a long sentimental paragraph about how, yeah, he had already started missing the younger man by the time he saw the text, too, he’d been contemplating sending (for four months).

 _you dont have to come check on me im fine_ , Whizzer responds in record time, and Marvin scoffs into the silence of his car.

_Don’t be an idiot, of course I’m coming to check on you I didn’t spend three weeks learning how to deal with your bullshit for nothing._

He can see the younger man smile at the harsh words in his mind, and he expects him to bite back with some sort of comment about how he’s not a baby, but instead he’s met with an address, and he stares at it for a moment before plugging it into Maps, speeding away from the diner without turning to wave at any possible stragglers from their group.

He’s knocking on Whizzer’s door fifteen minutes later, staring at his phone screen, double checking to make sure he got the address right after another resident of the apartment had let him in before he had a chance to buzz in. He listens to the lock slide open, and the door opens with a gentle _whoosh_ , the taller man standing on the other side, still holding onto the doorknob. Whizzer steps to the side, letting the shorter man enter, closing the door with a click behind him. Marvin turns to face the other, considering going in for a hug for a split second.

Whizzer holds up a finger, “Give me a second.”

He walks away silently, the combination of his socks and light footsteps muffling any sound he would normally make, and Marvin winces as his own shoes thud heavily against the wooden flooring, crouching down on the rug to untie them. His hands go into his pockets as he stands back up, studying the black and white pictures the other man had chosen to hang up as he takes off his coat, his eyes landing on one of their group on the floor of Trina and Cordelia’s room, Trina’s head in his lap, Marvin laughing, Trina looking up at him with a fond smile. Cordelia’s draped over Charlotte, both smiling, and Mendel leaning against the desk, his arm draped over his legs, caught mid laugh. Whizzer is nowhere to be seen, as he’s the one taking the picture, and there’s a small note written at the bottom in the small gap of white there is between the image and the paper it was printed on.

 _The best friends anyone could ask for-- July, 2017_.

Marvin smiles at the image, thinking back to the moment, turning to the man who’s now beside him. He studies his face for a moment, his gaze lingering on the dark bags under his eyes and the way his hair is more unkempt than it ever was at camp.

“What’d you have to do?” He asks, always too curious for his own good.

Whizzer smiles weakly at him, now chewing a piece of gum.

“I, uh, puked,” The younger man clears his throat awkwardly, looking at the ground.

“Oh,” Marvin stares at the wall for a moment, snapping out of his trance as the other man’s shadow disappears from the wall, and he follows after him into his living room, watching Whizzer sink to the ground, leaning on the couch.

“So, you insisted on checking in on me. I’m fine,” He mumbles, staring at some place on the ground near Marvin’s feet, an arm slung over his knees.

“Clearly, you’re not. We all kind of just assumed the crying was, I don’t know, _normal_ for you, I guess. But when you add in the vomiting after seeing one person, something’s off,” The older man argues gently, moving forward to sit on the ground across from him.

Whizzer turns to face him but still doesn’t meet his eyes, looking past him. He doesn’t say anything.

“Whizzer, I want you to be honest with me. Are you okay?”

The taller man is silent for a moment before speaking in a hushed voice, “If you want me to be completely honest, I don’t even know what _okay_ is anymore.”

“Is there one thing that prompted this? You don’t have to tell me, but sometimes just letting everything out is the best thing you can do. And I’m no Mendel, but I’m still here to listen if you need someone to,” Marvin moves to place a hand on the other’s shoulder, but he flinches away.

“I mean, I just feel like I’ve been like this for so long, you know? And I’ve been covering it up with being a self-centered dick since I was in, like, fifth grade, and I’ve been secretly breaking down my entire life and suddenly it’s like a huge landslide of just pain and regret and self-hatred and I feel like I’m spiralling, you know? Like, I spent years living in my parents house acting like I was their perfect straight son that was gonna _go places_ in life and get a great degree once I got to college and everything would be great, but then I’d go to camp and I’d be able to be myself to a certain extent, but I’d still project all that self-hatred out onto everyone else, which is why you hated me for so long and why I didn’t make as many friends as you or anything. And then I’d go back home and have breakdowns every night because there was so much pressure on me to get perfect grades, and, sure, I’ve managed to maintain a 5.2 since freshman year but my mental health has been declining so rapidly that I sacrificed my own happiness to please my jackass of a dad and my mom, who isn’t a jackass necessarily, but also saw me break down _so many times_ and never did or said anything about it. I mean, she once saw me start crying the second I got home from school, just right in the doorway, and she just kinda looked at me and then went upstairs. And if I ever cried in front of my dad he’d slap me and tell me to ‘grow up and get over myself’, and we’re not even gonna get _started_ on coming out to him because I don’t want to ever _think_ about that again, so just I repressed everything inside of me until it was like 2am every night and I was still awake and I would probably just be on the floor crying because _sadness_ was the only thing I could _feel_ . And then I’d be able to go back to camp, the only place where I felt even a _flicker_ of happiness and I just became a total dick because I wasn’t hiding behind that put-together straight man façade I’d put on for my family and my school, and instead I was letting all that self-hatred out by being really shitty and snappy and sensitive all the time, so the only person who ever even _considered_ the idea that _hey, you know, that Whizzer kid might have some deep rooted mental issues that should probably be addressed_ was Mendel, and everyone else just assumed I was a total fucking asshole because that was how I projected myself, you know? And then I was going into the leadership thing and I feel like a switch just flipped in me and I decided, _man if I just acted the same way as I do at home I’d probably be a lot better person_ , so I put this mask back on that I was totally happy all the time and everything was great, and all the little kids loved me and all the counselors thought I was great, but I was breaking down at 4am in the showers again, and I got _so good_ at being quiet when I cried because I didn’t want people to know, but I was also taking, like, twenty minute showers because I would just sit and _cry_ for fifteen minutes. But I’d get back to my room at like 4:30 and everything would be cool, I’d have two hours to put myself together again, and then it was our last year and, _God_ , I don’t even know if you remember but we were singing that _stupid_ song at the dance with our arms around each other in that huge circle, and we made eye contact for like two seconds, but it felt like twenty minutes, and I remember right then and there was when I realized _holy shit, I’m in love with Marvin Richards_ and--”

The air goes still, and Whizzer stops talking abruptly, meeting the older man’s eyes with his mouth still open in a small _O_ , his own eyes wide.

“You what?” Marvin manages to choke out, his mind racing, the taller man’s words playing on repeat like the chorus to a shitty pop song in his head.

“Forget I said anything, oh my God, please erase that entire thing from your memory, I’m sorr--”

Marvin leans forward, cutting the other off with a kiss, and he feels him stiffen against the couch for a moment before leaning forward and melting into the action, one of his hands moving to brace itself on the shorter man’s shoulder. They stay like that for a moment, the world coming to a stop around them, until Whizzer pulls away and rests their foreheads against each other, his eyes still closed. Marvin studies his face, trying to memorize the red flush that tinted his cheeks, the way his eyelashes curl over the slope of his face, the way his eyebrows crease together with a gentle happiness. He wants to kiss him again just to memorize the way his chapped lips felt against his own, the way he tasted faintly like mint gum and toothpaste but also uniquely _Whizzer_ , how kissing him had felt just like heaven, and the way his fingers tightened into his shoulder, gripping onto him like Marvin was his last tether to this world. 

Instead, he leans away, breathing in deeply, trying to fight away thoughts of Trina, his perfect girlfriend, and watches the other open his eyes slowly.

“Oh my God,” Whizzer whispers, his face going white. “Oh my _God_.”

Marvin reaches out to touch him again, to steady him, but the younger man is already on his feet and disappearing down the hall, and Marvin winces because he has an inkling of a feeling that he knows _exactly_ what’s happening over there. He’s still sitting on the floor and leaning against the coffee table when Whizzer returns, his face still ashen as he sinks to the floor across from him.

“I thought you were straight,” He says dumbly, and Marvin feels his cheeks heat up.

“Yeah, so did I. And then we spent three weeks rooming together where you didn’t even care where you’d change or who saw you nearly naked and you did all those _stupid_ little flirty things, and I guess I kind of realized that I haven’t been staring at guy's asses all these years because I wanted to look like them,” Marvin snorts, tracing a pattern with his finger on the hardwood.

“Oh,” Whizzer goes pink again and reaches up, running a sweaty hand through his hair.

Marvin’s eyes follow the movement, watching it stick up just slightly, and something strikes him deep in his heart. He chooses to ignore it, and instead gets to his feet, wiping his hands on his pants.

“I should probably go, huh?” He sucks on his teeth, shoving his hands into his pockets, his eyes traveling over the apartment.

“Yeah, probably,” Whizzer whispers from where he sits, dragging himself to his feet as well. “I’ll lead you out. Thanks for, um, checking on me.”

Marvin nods, offering a tight lipped smile, his stomach flipping. The door closes behind him and he walks back down to his car numbly, hardly noticing the commotion of the city around him. He closes his car door with a snap, and he sits there for a moment, staring at the wheel.

“Oh my God,” He whispers into the empty air, that feeling prodding at him again.

He ignores it again, and pulls away from the complex, wiping the back of his hand over his lips like it could _somehow_ fix the mess he _knows_ he just set spiraling into motion.


End file.
